I've been wanting to write a new blog for a while but had been so busy I never had time to even sit down and start writing. We're now back in the US our time in Sudan was shorter than I thought and that was really hard for me. Sudan since the first time I went has been in my heart. For me its not just another country, its home. We made the decision that we were for sure supposed to leave and two weeks later were back in the US. The day we were really praying about leaving we asked God to give us a clear sign about 15 minutes later a old cargo plane north sudan uses as a bomber plane flew over our town.
This trip was a hard trip for multiple reasons. When I went to South Sudan I was excite to be going home! I had these ideas in my head of what all I would accomplish. We had gotten land from the government last time I was there, it was beautiful prime land on the river and ready to be built on. I was going there to build a base. In my mind that meant put up buildings have something standing when I left. I knew I only had 3 months and I was excited for what God would do. Things started off challenging it took 3 days to get to Wau instead of flying out the next day. When we did get there our students were going to start showing up within a day or two. If we had a established base this would have been simpler. However where we were there was no walmart or anything you run to and can pick up whatever you need. We were looking at the reality of our students will start showing up within days and we don't even have a mattress for them to sleep on, let alone a permanent place for them to live during the school. In a last minute miracle we were able to buy mattresses and a few other things to get things rolling for our school. One of the staff members taught the first week, and things continued to be challenging. We learned that the house we were using to house most of the staff and speakers was owned by a staff members uncle. The uncle was in government but wanted a huge amount of money to rent the house. The house had no electric, running water, or anything we would consider normal in the US but he wanted about $600 a month for his house despite most people in South Sudan who earn allot of money barely making anything close to that. In yet another last minute miracle the money came in the day someone came to evict us.
It was encouraging every time we almost ran out of money for food or anything else money came in. We were never sure how or where the next money was coming in but it always did! God was totally faithful. Emily and I went to Juba to pick up Nicole during the first week of the school, we had decided getting to Wau on her own was entirely too complicated since there was no simple and organized system in travel, or in the airport there. We made it back to Wau with Nicole and split up that week teaching about knowing God and reviewing the bible and the promise of redemption made by God. The next week another challenge our speaker was probably not coming, we had a staff meeting on friday to discuss it and I felt like I was supposed to teach. I was totally nervous I had always wanted to teach but now faced with the reality of being supposed to teach for hours a day was a little overwhelming. I kept trusting God that he would come through with what he wanted me to say. He was totally faithful, each day I used what he gave me and it was enough for what he had, to the minute.
We continued to have almost weekly challenges with finances being extremely tight. as well as speakers who were unable to make it to Wau, then a new challenge the airport got shutdown following a place crash. We thought it would be shut down for a couple days but it was still shut when we left and was supposed to be shut for at least another month. We continued sharing the teaching and a few speakers were able to find a way to make it to Wau although it included a 11 hour ride stuffed in the back of a landcruiser in what would be comparable to making a run to the US border from Mexico on dirt roads. No one who came this way was ever excited to be returning the same way.
In the midst of all this the government was hounding us asking when were we going to begin building on our property. I was excited to start building, there was money on the way and I had already drawn up the plans. After all this is why I was here, I came to build a base right? I kept talking and trying to convince the other staff and leadership that this is what we needed to do. I was totally set on this, I was convinced any money that came in needed to be put into building it was #1 priority. I was almost willing to do this at the expense of things like the budget for food. Then something my wife said one day really hit me, she said a base isn't about buildings its about our students. I had been pouring myself into the students and we were slowly seeing great transformation in them. However at the core I was here to build that was my heart, to see something physical when we left. I slowly let go of my dreams to see buildings and watched as the money was spent of food and other things that truly were needs but not my dreams. It was a bit of a death of my vision for what I envisioned coming back to south sudan.
In my mind I convinced myself then that at least I could let go of that dream and pour myself into our students. At least by the time I left I would be seeing great transformation in them and would have spent 3 months not building buildings but building up and training 7 world changers. Then that came crashing down. We had been hearing reports on Sudan bombing South Sudan since before we came however we still came here. Things had been steadily escalating between the two sides with the south being bombed more and more and the peace talks regularly failing, because ultimately the North is selfish and really wants everything of value that is the South's with nothing in return. That day something felt wrong in my spirit, I didn't feel like I could be in class or anything. The leader of another organization working in Wau came up to me and said Chris how long are you planning on staying here in Wau? He then began talking about how things were quickly getting very bad here. I told him I knew they were and had been keeping an eye on it, but was trusting God. He said that he knew and understood but I needed to really be praying about if I was supposed to keep staying or if I should be getting my wife and sister out. That was the day the plane flew over. After that it was an uphill battle to convince the UN to help us fly out. It involved about 5 trips walking to the UN compound about a mile away to get paper work submitted and then changing it multiple times when we didn't get put on the flight. We finally got on the helicopter which was actually an extremely rough and bumpy ride on a old russian helicopter. It was one of the saddest trips, I felt in a way like I had failed, I had not built a single building. I wasn't even seeing the students in the end of the school to see what they had become. I was left trusting God that somehow he was going to work this out, that he led me to give up my dream of not building and he would protect our land from the government. That he would grow our students, that he was the one who was in control of not only South Sudan but all of Africa, even evil men like Al Bashir. So now I'm in the US I can't help but feel stuck here waiting till I get to go to the only place that feels like home anymore. I'm doing my best to enjoy my time here knowing it will come one day. I'm praying about going back to school to get my RN. If you know me you know how much I hate school, however I also feel like if I'm stuck in the US I might as well do the most I can with the time I have here. Our daughter Makayla Joy is supposed to be here the middle of July so we wouldn't leave the US till 6 months after that anyways and possibly longer depending on school. It is so hard to leave my country especially in a time when they need so much help. We had been working with a group of people who had returned after being kicked out of North Sudan by the government. They literally had nothing and felt totally worthless. One woman begged and pleaded with Emily and I to take her baby so it would not starve to death. It was one of the hardest things ever to not take that orphan baby. However I know one thing, my God is alive and powerful. He has and will continue to sustain South Sudan. He is more powerful than any evil leader and one day I will go home!!! One day I will take my wife and daughter and we will be back in the country that is HOME. So I let go of my dreams that I had dreamed of in anticipation of God being faithful to give me more than I could hope or imagine!
